Trudy L
Letting Go of Dad Through Cancer

It was expected yet devastatingly sudden at the same time–being viscerally grabbed deep in the belly with the realization that her father’s life was coming to an end.

The disappearance of a piece of what made the world make sense...a central part of how she knew and experienced herself. Within an instant, this solidity was gone, and free-fall took its place.

Now came the essential question: how would she meet this? How much was she actually willing to show up for the experience of her father dying–and therefore, for a part of her own dying?

My work with Trudy took us into the complicated history and profound connection she shared with her father, eventually unearthing deep unconscious patterns of death-avoidance & love-avoidance as a way of blunting the anticipated pain associated with loss.

Through Trudy’s courageous & persistent work, she was able to experience how these patterns were actually blocking her ability to be fully herself within the process. As she allowed the intuitive intelligence of her Heart to navigate her history, projections, and fears, she began to encounter her pain as something life-affirming...as a more complete experience of her love for her father, herself, and their connection. She allowed the process to break her heart open into more love and meaning than she ever thought possible–which continues to be true long after her father’s passing.

There were of course times where Trudy fell back into old coping patterns as she dealt with the impossible circumstance of her father dying, but there were many more moments where the broken-open truth of their love and connection became a new solid ground on which to encounter the loss.

All of this translated practically into Trudy’s capacity to show up powerfully & deal with the many moving pieces of the dying, death, and after-death processes, while also allowing her to stay open & available for the shared transformation & revelation within the experience itself. In the end, Trudy didn’t miss her dad’s death...instead she was able to receive it as his last act of life.

Death happens to all of us, but this does not mean we Choose it. To Choose Death is to open to it as an Essential movement of Life, one that takes the forms of diminishment, decline, coming apart, loss, grief, and mortal transformation.

‘Death’ here refers to physical death, but also includes death anxiety, existential agitation, loss of all kinds, and ego/identity deconstruction.

Choose Death creates a safe yet courageous container in which to gently open to this potent experience in its many forms, developing the trust & capacity necessary to ‘show up’ within the Essential Aliveness at the center of Death.